Several teachers are emerging in my path, as I suppose I have much to teach them in turn. All of this occurs in subtleties, felt under the covers, like the reassurance of a lover's foot in the dark of night, sensed beyond mere tactile means, and experienced more in essence than in touch. The roles that myself and others play in this life are increasingly blended.
And through this gradual convergence, I find the less I critically analyze my experiences, and instead absorb and process them through my psyche like newfound blood, the more I come to understand their meaning. Answers I have always known, for questions I am beginning to ask. Rational thought says this is a backasswards approach, but methinks Douglas Adams may have tapped more genius within his musings, than the mere purpose to entertain. However it's important to note that playful and humorous fun, no matter how twisted, obscure, whimsical, or random it may seem, is the general nature of the energy flowing throughout us all.
Regardless, I now find versions of myself, and former attempts to find my physical and metaphysical place within the cosmic structure, to be shadows burnt to a wall. Much like an atomic bomb. Immediate unflinching destruction. But with instant rebirth.
I recently had a memorable reunion with a quantum chemist I briefly dated when I was in my early 20's. I stumbled upon him while researching Eureka Springs which led to researching Alex Grey, introduced to me by my ex-ex-ex boyfriend, now close friend, which led to Mayan 2012 prophecies, which led to parallel universes, which led to quantum physics, which led me to him. Our reconnection led me to visit a place I'd never desired to experience before: New York City.
What I found was not grit and grime and isolation. Instead I discovered vast and multiple orbs of energy, not rude as oft is described of the city's inhabitants, but instead focused. As a whole the entire city made sense, and in parts, I found the residents were not rude or closed off, but merely required one to consciously approach and interact with their predestined flow, at which point every single person I encountered was open and receptive and helpful. I realized that I had surrounded myself in a passive, vicarious cocoon of the observer for too long. And it had been out of fear, and out of an erroneous sense of isolation.
FEAR- false evidence appearing real. A pop cliche self-help book acronymistic definition possibly, but appropos. I now have it taped to the dashboard of my car to remind myself of its limitations to my spiritual growth, and its restriction of my awareness to this third dimensional realm and what exists beyond.
This year has indeed been a strange ride thus far. But my energy's reawakened from an isolated repose, which it's been idling about within for far too long. I've always labeled spiritual energy as the tag-word encapsulating my belief system, but it's time for recess to end and school to begin again. It's time for me to dedicate depth and attention to the premise my early years have laid before me, and my reaquaintance with my quantum chemist friend reignited. Although he chooses to remain isolated in the loop of his empirical and reclusive, though honorable scientific pursuits, I have gained a vital understanding that this path of extreme solitude which my own life was previously mirroring is not the correct one for me to be on any longer. And most likely unconsciously, he fortuitously explored and pointed me to other paths to which I am now more suitably aligned.
Another old flame and artistic colloborator labeled this path a pataphor, which at first insulted me, but then I realized it further confirmed the synchronicity and symbiotic parallelism of science and fiction and empiricism and the ethereal. They are one and the same in their intent and their underlying nature. They are interconnected. They are not alone.
We indeed are not alone. This message aligned with the movie Legend I watched recently with a man whom I did not remotely anticipate having a connection, and randomly ran into a month ago, which I ironically "met" several years ago through that same ex-ex-ex boyfriend, now close friend, who introduced me to Alex Grey. Talk about interwoven cycles. But well before we were physically introduced several years ago, we'd been circling around each other for several years longer, in physical logistical proximity, in the same schools and social groups, in inter-family friendships and connections. However unexpected and unintended, we met again at exactly the right time, and subsequently a very deep connection has developed between us, as if it had existed all along in another time and place.
When I am with him, for the first time in this life that I can recall, I feel as if the moments we spend together are timeless. Unified and unconstrained. Trivialities disappear along with my usual hyper-sense of obligation and responsibility and limitation and external stressors. They simply dissipate completely. And amazingly enough, they don't return when we part from each other. When we are together, things are exactly as they should be, where they should be, how they should be.
It's the strangest and most enlightening and genuinely beautiful thing I've ever experienced, yet there's a sense that it's always existed without constraints of time or place. Our association flows and makes sense. I sense an essence in him that I had lost faith in when my dad died. He has restored that faith. It's surreal. It makes no rational sense to me. Yet it makes complete sense. There is no subtext, or need to over-analyze, or adjust things to make things fit. They just do.
And though in the current temporal sense, things are still tentative relative to our roles in each others lives, I somehow have faith things are progressing exactly as they should be. It will be interesting to see what this particular synchronicity has in store for me. I refrain from labeling it anything right now, because whatever comes to be, I know it will have a distinctly significant purpose.
And in parallel to this, a man whom I went to school with from elementary through secondary, but with whom I never ran in the same social circles or have intimately known as either friend or lover, has re-emerged in my life. I had dreams of this man for 6 months straight back in 2003, instigated by absolutely nothing at all. However the dreams were interactive, increasingly extended, recurring and near lucid. Quite uncanny and inexplicable, and at the time had me quite confused and concerned that something bad had happened to him, and at a loss as to how I was connected or how I could help.
In these dreams we interacted in multiple realms, some of an ethereal nature, and others in parallel universe and lives. Since then, he has returned to my thoughts intermittently yet consistently, which I have no explanation or motivation by which to explain the phenomenon since we have never interacted with each other in this corporeal realm, until recently, when we connected through a social network online.
He emailed me with a somewhat obscure message, which quite surprised me (and yet somehow did not.) I replied, to which he then responded with an invitation to Eureka Springs to discuss the synchronicity he casually and comfortably acknowledged was occuring in my life which I had alluded to in my previous message. We have not yet had a chance to align meeting to discuss the answers and questions we've both been pursuing and obtaining in parallel over the years. However, his acknowledgement of these things has allowed me to avoid and overcome fear of insanity that has thrown obstacles and unnecessary hurdles in my spiritual journey in the past, and his invitation to Eureka Springs parallels the catalyst to my expedition to NYC, and the subsequent rebirth of the new path I am now on.
How Eureka Springs fits into this bizarrely connected labyrinth of relevance I have not yet discovered. (I won't even go into the enormous number of puns the town's name itself implies... other than to remark that chaos and order have a remarkable sense of timing and humor.)
Strange days and Strange ways indeed these are. I suppose my old self-ascribed moniker 'relevancy' is indeed relevant. And I'm just re-embarking on the journey.
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